Not to Be
by fairambrosia
Summary: Centered around Reno's phone call at the beginning of Final Fantasy: Advent Children, Tifa reflects on Cloud and her current life. Simply a one-shot fiction experiment.


In the darkening gloom of the tavern, Tifa was lost in thought. She gave her bar a perfunctory cleaning, but her mind was occupied by thoughts of a different nature. It had been two weeks now. Normally he was never away for so long without a phone call at the very least. But things were changing. Even the children could see that. Tifa was not sure how much longer she could continue to be the stable force in the family, knowing that Denzel was dying of Geostigma, knowing that Cloud had rather be anywhere than with her and the children.

The shrill ring of the phone sliced through the air. Tifa turned her eyes away from the bar counter and up to the darkened stairwell. She sighed. She knew it was not him. It never was.

"He's not here anymore," Tifa muttered, hoping that the phone would stop ringing. But the caller was persistent, the piercing rings reverberating down the stairs every few seconds. Putting the dusting rag beneath the counter, Tifa wiped off her hands and walked down the hallway.

Inquisitive brown eyes peered around the door to the downstairs bedroom. Marlene stood quietly, watching as Tifa passed her by. Behind Marlene lay Denzel on the bed. Tifa could not look at the children, so she walked by quickly.

Halfway up the stairs, she paused. She took a few seconds to compose herself, mentally washing away all the stress, anger, and hurt she felt. Breathing slowly, Tifa let a feeling of peace and serenity engulf her body. After glancing down the stairs toward the downstairs room, Tifa climbed up the last few stairs into her bedroom.

She walked quickly across the room to her desk. Her eyes fell upon a picture of her and the children with Cloud. _Were those really happy times?_ she asked herself doubtfully. The phone rang once more, and Tifa picked it up.

"Hello, Strife Delivery Services," she said, falsely bright. "You name it, we deliver –" She paused as a voice interrupted.

"Hey there! Tifa, isn't it? Well, I've got a message for Cloud."

"May I ask who's calling?" Tifa asked.

"You don't remember me? I'm hurt," the male voice joked. "It's Reno. You know, part of that oh-so-powerful organization called the Turks."

Tifa laughed. "Yeah, I remember you."

"Good. Well, if I know Cloud at all, I'm sure he's not there. But when you hear from him again, can you tell him that I've something very important for him to do? I'm here at Healin' Lodge with Rude and someone else I'm sure he would be very interested to meet."

"I'll let him know," Tifa promised. "So how are you?"

"Been better. There have been lots of strange things going on recently, haven't there? Almost like…the LifeStream has become messed up or something, isn't it? Well, something's not right, that's for sure." His pause left Tifa struggling to control herself as his thoughts reminded her eerily of her own musings. "Anyway, I'd love to chat, but I've got some things to prepare. Take care of yourself."

Reno hung up and for a few seconds Tifa simply held the phone to her ear, lost in thought. She carefully placed the phone back in its cradle, examining once more the picture of her with Cloud and Marlene and Denzel. It seemed like it was taken ages ago. That was only months after Cloud had found Denzel in that church in the Sector 5 slums. Aerith's church, as he liked to call it. Denzel had become part of their small family almost immediately, taking a liking to his savior Cloud. Cloud was so good to Denzel back then, giving the little boy all of the attention and love that he needed. But ever since Denzel was diagnosed with Geostigma, Cloud never had time for the family anymore. He had declared, in that quiet yet forceful way of his, that he was leaving to find a cure for Geostigma and would not return until he did.

That was weeks ago. Denzel still suffered from his Geostigma wounds, but even more than that, the family suffered from the loss of Cloud. Tifa had become the head of the household while Cloud was gone, and while she knew that the children loved her, she could not garner their respect and devotion the way that Cloud could. Denzel in particular needed Cloud. But Cloud was too busy to come back – or too uncaring. No, she could not think like that. Cloud cared so much that he went off to try to find an impossible cure.

Tifa picked up the phone once again. She was almost positive that Cloud would not answer, but she reasoned that at the very least she could leave him a voicemail about Reno's strange message.

The phone rang a few times. It came as no surprise when Cloud's voicemail picked up. As the recorded voice of Cloud's asked her to leave a message, Tifa closed her eyes, picturing in her mind the man who said those words. "You got a call from Reno - he's in Healin', says he's got work for you." Tifa paused. "Cloud, how have you been?" She reluctantly ended the call.

After placing the phone once more in the cradle, Tifa stood by the desk silently. More than ever she wished she had help. Not only was she responsible for the care of both Marlene and Denzel, but she also ran her bar, Seventh Heaven, and while Cloud was gone she was also responsible for his delivery service. She knew that if she asked, Barret, or maybe even Vincent, would be willing to lend a hand for a bit. But she hesitated to ask. After all, wouldn't asking for help be like admitting that her small family was breaking apart? Now, more than ever, they needed to stay together and remain strong.

Tifa glanced once more at the picture, focusing on Cloud. She wished once more that he would return home. But that was not to be, and she knew it.

She turned around, and without a backward glance, Tifa left the bedroom, deciding to go and give comfort to the two flesh and blood children in her house rather than dwell on the past any longer.


End file.
